16 reasons why traditional marketing executives want your social media plan to fail

File this under “Flu-induced Bitch-rant”

Last night in bed, when my fever was about 100 degrees, something came over me to write this post. I was thinking of the courageous few who’ve demonstrated that you can create real relationships with your customers, who will in turn give you their money, simply by doing the basics very well (being respectful, listening, going above and beyond). And then I found myself in a delirious half-dream thinking of this guy, who wants you to fail – for a number of reasons.

1. They want to be able to just pick color palettes – you want to build valuable content.
2. They want to maintain control over the message – you know that loss of control creates the best message.
3. They know that it only takes 10 emails (ironically called “touches”)
   to make a sale – you know how their customers feel about spam.
4. They spent a hundred grand on their Harvard MBA – you know that Biz Stone dropped out of college.
5. They need to justify their six figure salaries – you’re not in it for the money.
6. They want to spin cleaverly woven copy, you want to just listen – for now.
7. They’re afraid, and defend themselves – you’re afraid, and say that
   you’re afraid.
8. They want to finally execute that brilliant marketing campaign -
   you’re happy planting seeds and nurturing them.
9. They want to finally win the coveted AMA Award, your reward is your
   new friends and a bag of peanut MMs.
10. They think they know what their customers want – you know that you don’t.
11. They don’t trust that their customers will come back again – you know
    that people are adults who know how to make good choices.
12. They don’t trust the CEO – you follow the CEO on Twitter.
13. If a marketing campaign is a success, they glow with self-important
    pride – you have other measures for your success (and your pride).
14. They think that marketing is a department – you see your coworkers
    complaining about “marketing” the company on Facebook (which
    would make that an HR issue, no?)
15. They think It’s all a numbers game – you know it’s a contact sport.
16. They like shit to roll downhill – you know that it rolls all over the place.

What do you think? More Tylenol?